On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
