the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize