So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
