If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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