I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have aggressive nipples.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
