the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
