I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize