Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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