Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
When are your genitals available?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize