i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
