I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
