I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
did i just pee glitter
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
