insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
