his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
