I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
