just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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