You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
