I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
