By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
