Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize