I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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