my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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