it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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