Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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