what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
