I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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