i can't believe i had my finger in that
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
