like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
