mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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