She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
