You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
