I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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