I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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