Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
