how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize