The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We are two peas in an std pod
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
