ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
