guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
