I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
