moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
