its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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