I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
