Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize