Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
