I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
