I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
