I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just high enough for therapy.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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