he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
