Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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