I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
