my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do you remember whose house we're in?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
