You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
