i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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