go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
