okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
