I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
