I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
