I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
