i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize