i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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