Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
