Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Houston, we have a squirter
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
