You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
