I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
