Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
