Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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