there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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