as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
third nipple confirmed
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
