I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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