Got a toothbrush?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
