I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
