I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
