I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
