i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
