Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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