We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
