Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
