no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
