You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
