So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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