Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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