The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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