she woke up with a sticky ear
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
honey bunches of taint.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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