dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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