I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
