Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
