As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize