that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
