I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
