I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
