a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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