Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
