things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
