am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
