Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I pour the whiskey from now on
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
