He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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