i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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