Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize